So what the shit is up my friends from the internet? This is pretty cool huh? The way I am all here on the blog scene, making words happen for all the pretty people who live in places that are different to the place that I live in. Some of you might perhaps live in the place that I live in, but most of you will not. Wait, actually, most of you will, if you consider the place that I live in to be Cambridgeshire; as I imagine my audience for this blog will consist of Jamie and Narayan. For that I am strangely thankful and just a little bit happy. Maybe more than a little bit. Who knows?


So I bought this pizza earlier, it claimed to be Pepperoni stuffed crust. It cost me £2.99. I thought that was quite expensive for a singular disc of dough-and-meat-snack but hey, I can't argue with the profit margins of a multi-national supermarket chain I GUESS BITCH. Well anyway, I cooked up this mutha and ate some of it, like, two-thirds, and I left some in the kitchen because cold pizza is like ... well it's like nothing else on earth. It's like realising that the girl you fell in love with in High School has aged horribly and got really fat, and, and like, her sister, who was ok at the time, is now super hot, and you go date her instead. Maybe. Maybe it's like that.
ANYWAY the point I am trying to make in a roundabout way is when I ate the cold pizza later it made me think about kids' TV. I don't know why, but it did. Now, I don't know if it's just me (well I know it isn't. Steve agrees with me.) but I think kids TV these days absolutely sucks balls. Seriously. Back when I was a kid we had Postman Pat, Rosie and Jim, Bananaman, Dangermouse, Superted; now these were TV shows. Those were the glory days of kids TV. What the hell do kids have nowadays? Oh that's right - 'In the Night Garden.' A show where drugged up balloon monsters dance around and gargle ridiculous noises in an aggressive manner. Good. That's good. Kids, I pity you. You know what, when you're older you'll realise just how much this has destroyed your childhood, but for now I guess you're stuck with Nick Jr. You're stuck with Catscratch and Mighty B.
And people wonder why ten year olds are growing up with no respect for authority, why they're lashing out at teachers, parents and each other. It's called rebellion, and all you fuckers at Nickleodeon with all your mindless, watered-down, everyone's-a-dumbshit programming, you made it happen.


Also on my trip to aforementioned multi-national supermarket chain, i happened to purchase a packet of chocolate-covered peanuts for a tasty sum of 54 little pennies. A bargain, I thought, and rightly so. They certainly were low in price, but unfortunately, this magical low in cost was matched by a horrific low in quality. You know, it's like nobody even ate one of these before they sent them out from whatever giant factory they shipped from. I'm just saying, a little quality control wouldn't go amiss. Christ sake. There was some sort of weird skin on them, and it got stuck to the roof of my mouth, like when you try and siphon off petrol and it makes your mouth feel really dry? Yeah I hate that. Multi-National retailers suck, they're killing off small businesses and I am genuinely worried that when they have enough money, which must be any time now, they will actively seek to take over the world. Perhaps by force. And I don't want that.
ALSO BARACK OBAMA was sworn in as president today. I get the feeling that this is some sort of turning point in the future of the world that I live in because I believe in Barack. And about 300 million others do too, so I'm in good company I think. I stayed up on election night til around 5am with one of my best friends, just watching this amazing story unfold. I don't know why I feel so strongly about this, I don't have any reason to, but I think in life we latch onto things that can make us feel optimistic, no matter what the cause or the reason - and this is one of those cases.

So I have this friend, Lavinia. She's not French, I thought it was Lavignier when I first met her but it isn't. In fact she's half-American. Lavinia-May. She supports Barack Obama too. But that's not the reason I bring her into this bizarre equation. I was talking to her tonight. I dunno how we got onto this but she brought up the topic of 'honest voices' and 'dishonest voices' and whether everyone has one of each. I said that it depends. She asked me what on. I said 'If you can tell when someone is lying when they speak to you, then they have a dishonest voice. If you can't, then they have a very good dishonest voice.' It's not that I don't trust people in general, in fact I might be more liable than most to trust too easily ... But I dunno, recently my faith in people has been shaken, not by anything in particular, but I guess the world gets to you eventually. Everybody lies. And everybody should expect everybody to lie. Just don't come crying to me when you can't tell who has a dishonest voice and who has a very good dishonest voice.

Thanks for listening you guys. I guess I'll be back soon.