But I can't.
Everything changes. You know, people say that you can't change, that no-one ever changes, but that's not true. Everyone changes. Maybe you don't realise because you've changed too. We're not 15 anymore. We can't sit around at the park, drinking White Lightning, playing shitty dubstep on our phones, smashing up the tennis courts, throwing up and not caring. We're 19, we're 20, we're fucking adults. If we throw up now it makes us a bad person. wtf. We're going to university, we're going to work, we're moving away from everything that makes us feel right. This sucks but this is life. And this is change.
I love where we are now. College is awesome. My friends are the best friends I could ever ask for. From where I was then, back in 07, alcohol, Konstantine and sharpener blades, to where I am now, that's change, but it was change for the better. And now I don't think anything could get better than this. I have everything I could want (almost ^_^) but it's just like ... I'm afraid of how the decisions I'm making now are going to affect the rest of my life. And I don't like that feeling. Sure I guess I have dreams, hopes for the future, things I wanna do with my life. But not now. It all feels like it's too much too soon. I don't even know.
I have homework to do but it's all fucking nonsense. I don't know what half of this stuff means. I don't feel like myself. What the hell is going on. Why is Tom Cruise shouting on the television? My hair keeps getting in my eyes. I wish I was a Kodiak Bear. Speaking of Kodiak Bears, I thought of a new feature. Man this is getting like daytime drama.
RUSTY SAYS: "Don't listen to Aaron. He's a silly. Follow your dreams kids. Even if you fail, man at least you tried. Sure you fucked up but you went for it. You said yes to life. You should always say yes to life. ROOAAAGH."
I love where we are now. College is awesome. My friends are the best friends I could ever ask for. From where I was then, back in 07, alcohol, Konstantine and sharpener blades, to where I am now, that's change, but it was change for the better. And now I don't think anything could get better than this. I have everything I could want (almost ^_^) but it's just like ... I'm afraid of how the decisions I'm making now are going to affect the rest of my life. And I don't like that feeling. Sure I guess I have dreams, hopes for the future, things I wanna do with my life. But not now. It all feels like it's too much too soon. I don't even know.
I have homework to do but it's all fucking nonsense. I don't know what half of this stuff means. I don't feel like myself. What the hell is going on. Why is Tom Cruise shouting on the television? My hair keeps getting in my eyes. I wish I was a Kodiak Bear. Speaking of Kodiak Bears, I thought of a new feature. Man this is getting like daytime drama.
RUSTY SAYS: "Don't listen to Aaron. He's a silly. Follow your dreams kids. Even if you fail, man at least you tried. Sure you fucked up but you went for it. You said yes to life. You should always say yes to life. ROOAAAGH."
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20 comments:
everything changes and it's the most fucking terrifying thing. i'm 20 and i've felt like an adult too long because i left college early because i became a suicidal wrecking ball, so i've been working since i was like 17 in the world of men. now i'm going back to college and uni to try and capture some last suckles on the teet of youth, i hope it works because i am really so scared of this constant change. and of responsibility. i'm joseph, i'm not meant to be responsible for anything or anyone, i can't even really look after myself!
argh i have now ranted in your comments and i appreciate the fact i can and that your blog instilled this feeling in me!
i hate the fact that i can't procrastinate anymore, because if i lay in bed for one more day (metaphors ahoy!) then that could be it, my time could be passed and i could be a dead duck.
i'm really sorry for this rant. your blog makes me think a lot, i like it and thanks for writing.
joseph
PostSecret = (L)
I really want to buy the books, mais I have lack of funds.
I need a new job.
I can relate to this blog, even though I am a bit younger than you (:
Just remember; if you try to stop change because of losing people or things going wrong, you will miss out on the times when things go right and the new people who might change your life for the better.
Im with Rusty on this. Me and him, *crosses fingers* we're like this man.
Hope you're good!
xx
inindist
Rants rants rants I like the fact that I cause mini-riots inside of your brain Joseph! Your blog today was also pretty damn thought-provoking, I should probably say that over there rather than over here. Also, as a sidenote regarding your blog the *other* day, I <3 'Four Winds' and maaaan, change change change is the order of they day! Gosh. So many days!
And indeed, the Postsecret books are muchly awesome, I have like 2 but I wish I had moar. Thank you Ruth! I try to live this way but sometimes life is hard! Sometimes it kicks you right in the gut. But sometimes it's beautiful ^_^ Rusty makes sense sometimes I guess?
I'm new to this life thing, so I don't know if commenting would be worth it, but hey I could try. Maybe it'll work or something.
1) Drink tea and get on with it.
2) If it gets too scary, hide under some coats and wait for it all to blow over.
3)You're alive, and you can do anything. BLAH yeah we've all heard it, and yeah thats right we made the quote wanna fight about it?
YEAH. Anyway I used to be terrified with change, but now I'm just a complete douche, that seems to have sorted everything out quite nicely.
< /jamie >
Upon evaluation, I'm not too good at commenting, maybe I'll sit this one out, stop talking for a while.
You did ok man, you did ok. Don't be too down on yourself, hey we just need Narayan on here and we'll have all the family. Awwh this is so greaaatt blogs blogs blogs ftw
"all the family"
cute times, i feel special.
blogging > coursework.
i predict a fail on the english literature front.
It's super lovely. Oh wow to have English Coursework again, those were the days. The Merchant of Venice ftw. (Actually one of my least favourite Shakespeare's just fyi.)
And yes agreed, blogging > work right now. Powerpoint presentations are for the lose.
How did your CRC interview go??
xx
Aha, feel free to do mine, it's the comparison of Atwood's 'The Handmaids Tale' which is probably one of the most amazing books I've ever read. I highly recommend it. And Kesey's 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest'..I fail already as I haven't finished Cuckoo D:
I've not read TMOV. I'm tackling Twelfth Night at the moment, but its hard to find the time amongst all my other things! So I think I will have to put it off until Summer!
I am just about to start a monoprint of Obama, so that should be funnn! (No sarcasm, I'm genuinely looking forward!)
Interview was alright thanks!..Could have gone better, but this is just me focusing on the negative! I did'nt get interviewd, JUST, so I guess that's good. I'm in. Just waiting for written confirmation!
Plus Ryan waited to see how it went and I saw him for a bit after, was probably the highlight of te experience (((:
Hows your work going? Ryan tells me he has lots so I guess you have a similar amount! (N) xx
Ahhh Twelfth Night. Very nice, Orsino and Viola, yes yess. Merchant of Venice isn't grest, I prefer Much Ado or Midsummer Night's Dream.
omg Barack Obama is such a hero. i have many stories connected to that guy already but that's for another time methinks.
woooo that's awesome news, being in is a good place to be!
And yeah i mean work is ok, not too bad, just gotta get my head down and stop blogging so much. Oops.
xx
I prefer Midsummer Nights Dream too, I think thats probably my favourite, or The Tempest, OR Romeo & Juliet. Im a big softy really. Aha the monoprint was 60% successful but Im gonna have to re-do it, the face went horribly wrong and yeah... Looked like Zippy. I might just stick a photo over the face cos it so small tht acheiving detail is going to be tres difficile. OOOH Im going to Somerfileds now, procrastination x 4687289464769 xx
Pahahahaha!!1!
Poor old Barack and his big old zippy mouth. t'is a shame.
Somerfields and procrastination hurrah!
Midsummer Nights Dream=my favourite Shakespeare also. YAY!
xx
I bought 2 bars of value milk chocolate. 2 packs of strawberry fizzy laces and a pack of cola bottles. I AM A PORKER :D
Eating is the ultimate form of prrcrastination. Or sleeping, I plan on doing both this evening; and no work.
If I intend on doing no work that is nottttt procrastinating. Thats just being LAZY (:
We rule for liking Shakey. He's a bit of a sexbomb.
xx
Shakespeare is sexy.
I hope you enjoy your evening of eating, sleeping and lack of working. I would be working on my presentation but my powerpoint has broken.
Unfortunate is not the word.
xx
Aha, I think I will. Im so tempred to have an early night due to late night phone calls last night!!
Aha OH NOOO. Powerpoint on what? (:
I'll do it for you ahahaha.
About..bears.
xxx
BALSTREV
HAHAHA that's like BALLS TREV! What a magical word verification!
I wish that my Powerpoint was about bears, I really do, but unfortunately it's a big old presentation about my FMP so like, inspiration, costs, locations, blah blaah blah blah blah. ad infinitum.
Must find an MS Office trial right about now!
xx
THAT SOUNDS FUN!:|
I should be doing essays now, but Im not, Im talking to Ryan and freaking out over wierd noises that are downstairs. Im home alone D:
xx
I only have one thing to say about that Ruth m'dear:
:S
Yes'm.
xx
D: indeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed
crazy tingggzz!
im multitasking!! phone, blog, msn :D woahh xxx
A nice round 20 comments. Very nice. Pretty much just me and Ruth but never mind, I can deal with that ^_^ Right tiem for a new blog I feel.
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(unless you don't want it to be. I'm a Sunday Morning in that respect.)
xx
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