Showing posts with label brand new. Show all posts
Showing posts with label brand new. Show all posts

How Great Things Happen When You Give Up Hope

Author: Aaron KD Bourn / Labels: , , , , , , , , , , ,

SO I'M TWENTY YEARS OLD.

That sorta thing comes and goes you know. Everyone thinks you'll feel different overnight. That's er, that's not true. Except I had to, out of necessity and a promise. I vowed to drop my emo shit and play it straight from now on. So that's what I'm doing. I instantly feel more smiley and optimistic. Even got a celebratory haircut to seal the deal didn't I? Yeah I wanna be all like OH i'm sXe baby, real straight edge. But that's a lie. It's something I am interested in, sure. But I'm also interested in getting drunk and ridiculous. That probably outweighs the desire to be part of the Straight Edge scene. At least I can still be hXc and cXc (I think I just invented that but it now means Crunkcore. Spread the word kids.) Acronyms with large X's in the middle are always cool right? I don't know how to feel about not being a teenager anymore.

The Past

Part of me wants to cut it all off. Just totally forget it. 16-17 was the worst time of my life. I left school too early and I fell into depression, cutting, addictive behaviour, violence, crime ... Everything that could go wrong did basically. I lost friends I should never have lost. I made friends I should never have made. I did stuff I should never have done. I was wasting my life away in a place that was gonna kill me.

Part of me wants to cherish it. Just remember every single detail. 18-19 has been the best time of my life. I moved to Cambridge and found my home. I now have the best friends; Jamie, Rach, Dave, Pat, Colleen, Lav, Narayan, they're all amazing. I love every one of them so much. Everything that could go right did basically. I stopped cutting and sorted my life out thanks to some important words from important people. I made friends I'm so thankful for. I met a girl, eventually, and I did things I'll always remember.

The Present

College is nearly done. This makes me equally sad and hopeful. Sad because I know some people will drift apart, and nothing will ever feel as good as some of the days we've had. When everyone connected and loved and lived all in the same moment. When the nights were long and the living room was on the front lawn. Hopeful because change isn't always for the worst. New opportunities and new places, new but hopefully old faces. It's gonna be tough for everyone to get around to visit peeps at uni, people are gonna be huge distances apart, but it'll happen. Swear down. The people I most care about visiting are gonna be in Cambridge or up in Lincoln my old hangout anyway. So I should be cool. I just worry about everyone else. Please, don't let people who matter to you fade out of your life. Because it's the biggest mistake you'll ever make. One night it'll hit you what you lost and you'll regret it forever. Trust. Only FS4, TV studio and FMP remain. 2 of those will be fine. FMP will not. However, who gives a shit. Stop taking life so seriously.

The Future

So I'm going home after College finishes. Probably not for the entire gap between College and Uni (I'm heading Bournemouth btw. Scriptwriting fyi) but for a while. Gotta see mum, and dad I guess, and probably do something stupid with my old friends. Eugh. I'd much rather stay up here, but I don't have a place or any money to live. SO I guess that's out. HOLY FUCK wow ok. That hurts. Shit ... Ok I'll deal with that tomorrow. Hurrrr girls kill me. Never mind. Non-emo = no heartbreak. certainly not. MMM so yeah, Bournemouth in September provided I get in, otherwise it's London South Bank for me baby. I don't particularly care. Tbh if Bournemouth didn't seem so good for the course, I would have no problem at all going to LSBU, england's worst university. Just cuz of location and stuff. Ravensbourne is pretty close for Dave and Westminster is closer still for Narayan. Oh and Wimbledon for Zeeee!! Wow.

In the end, I have decided to let life do what it wants to do to me and stop taking it so seriously. Give up hope on anything ever working out how you might expect. Just keep a positive outlook and see where I end up. Sometimes, just sometimes, great things happen. And sure, I'll work for what I want and work damn hard, but I'm not gonna waste my time on pointless ventures or pointless people. I'll do anything for my friends, cuz in the end we come to this world with nothing and we leave with nothing but love. Everything else is just borrowed (thank you Mike Skinner =P). Right now I'm gonna smile. Things might go wrong, but I have a feeling they might just go right. It's all to do with your outlook. And I don't mean Outlook Express. One of Zee's posts inspired me today. She is amazing in every way. FANBOY =P.

Strawberry fair Sat'day innit, I'll probably end up there at about 9 or half 9 after a day of trolling round town and eating some meal. Pity that Colleen will probably have left by then if she turns up at all, and I dunno about J and Narayan. ARGH could do with some more cash in hand but whatever. Friday today. gotta go to the bank later erm should I miss Key Skills and go in the morning or try and get back quick and ... No i can't do that they close at like 4:30. fuck my banking. OH WELL Ski Kills has gotta be missed then. And it will be missed.

Soundtrack to my life. Past, Present and future.

Papa Roach - Scars. Summer 2006. Disaster and redemption.


3OH!3 - Don't Trust Me. Early Summer 2009. Giving up and moving on.


Brand New - Trees/Brickhouse (live). Uni time 2009. Brand New.


Did ok I think.
Thanks for sticking it out.
xo


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This is what living like this does

Author: Aaron KD Bourn / Labels: , , , , ,

I am the cause to all your problems,
shelter from cold. We are never alone.
co-ordinate brain and mouth.
Then ask me what it's like to have
myself so figured out.
I wish I knew ...

Brand New. We are all Brand New. I bought chocolates for myself, only because they were half price, but still. Not good. I ended up sharing them with Steve and Sarah, not Tom because he's out playing squash. I think it's pretty safe to assume I won't be sharing Valentine's day with anyone this year. Again. But things are good! It's awesome to nearly have someone. To ALMOST have someone I guess. But still, yes. I'm looking forward to new things and new people, new places and faces. I pretty much just stole that straight from one of Narayan's previous blogs, but it's true. Relationships always bring news things, and all of a sudden everything is very exciting! Wooo! OMG i thought 2 Girls 1 Cup was bad. 2 Girls 1 Finger ... Jesus christ. The Japanese get up to some freaky shit. Don't watch it if you're eating, or easily offended, in fact not just easily offended; don't watch it full stop. It's one of those that haunts you. Eugh.

I wish Narayan would blog from Prague. I kinda wanna know what I'm missing.
Prague Pictures, Images and Photos
It looks so good. But then again looks can be deceiving. I mean, look at me right? I don't know exactly what I mean by that but I am probably deceptive in some sort of way. Maybe you think with my trucker cap, fingerless gloves, safety pins and jet black fringe over my eyes that I'm some kind of emo. Yeah that'd be about right. Hmm. Ok that was a bad example. Fucking hell I don't really like cricket. I wish I had something better to do than sit here. I WISH I WAS IN PRARGH. Everything comes back to money. You know whose fault it is? Rachel. Rachel freaking Thornton. I blame her entirely for the fact I am here instead of there. I thought she was staying at college so i decided not to go, planning to hang with her but then guess what? She fucks right off, jacks college in altogether and that was that. No Rachel, no fun times, no Prague, no no no nothing. So I'm sat here eating Dairy Box, watching cricket i don't care about, listening to Salter laugh like a cross between a gypsy and a mouse, and a cat being strangled. fucking hell. I guess this is what living like this does.

Hit Pizza Hut earlier with Tom. It was nice, you know, like Pizza is. And some bottomless 7-up. We had some buffet. the pasta was rather good. Tasted like cauliflower cheese. Which i like. And there was a parmesan grater there and you had to do it yourself and er i think i broke it. Sorry Pizza Hut. Blue Cheese Dressing is my absolute favourite! If I was American i'd eat it all the time.
Photobucket
Om nom nom nom nom nom

Ok so apparently it's gonna snow again tomorrow morning, like 4 til 10 something like that. That might be ok but it also might suck. I kinda don't want college to be cancelled again cos I have plans to hang with Liv and stuff, and I wouldn't mind seeing Dave and Paul and Shelle and everyone. I mean, I'm missing the Prague kids, but I miss those guys too. Daaaaave!!! (MOD -7:47am the next day: It snowed again and College is cancelled. FML.) My feet are excited at the prospect of the weekend. I don't know what I'm gonna be doing but I hope it includes going out ^_^ Maybe have some kind of reunion meet-up with the Prague kids, even though it's only been a week lol. Keyboards are cool. Taking pictures of keyboards is fun. GOOD HEAVENS I need to start my script for Bournemouth. If anyone has any ideas for it, based on these few titles:

Looking for the truth is not always wise
Pray that your greatest wish is not answered
Friendship comes with a price tag
The generation gap

Then please tell! I've got little ideas for spots of dialogue, but no idea how or where to fit them in to any of these titles. Ruth help me!

I think that will be all! Done. x

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You move slow like daytime drama, and I'm boring like his songs

Author: Aaron KD Bourn / Labels: , , , , , ,

Shout and scream my friends, connect with me and we'll pretend
This night will never end, this night will never end
Just let go you'll see together we'll do anything
This night will never end, this night will never end


So. Hey. Went shopping today ^_^ Bought some new stuff, such as a hat and some shoes and a wallet and it was all pretty much awesome. Actually I can probably dig out a photo, forgive the emo fringe and whatnot, but that's me you know, fringe and a beard, can't complain. I can complain, because I wish my beard wasn't so ginger, it's weird. BUT NEVER MIND c'est la vie as they say in France.
Photobucket
There we are. Lovely eh? I always look so pale in photographs ... I guess that's just because I turn the contrast up 2 clicks on every photo of me just by default. Force of habit. Talking of contrast, what a contrast in my mood from last week to this. I feel so buoyant, which is odd because I hate buoys almost as much as I hate Snakes. Yeah like I said, I have the feeling it's going to be a good week. And it has not disappointed so far. Let's hope tomorrow is less than awful, and we'll be onto a winner. ESPECIALLY as my friends James and James are coming down on Thursday for a weekend of being drunk, sitting, reminiscing (bout days when I had a Mustang?) I love to reminisce. It kinda ruins my spontanaeous possibly-going-to-Prague-for-lolz plan, but hey, it's allll good.

So I know a girl. And this girl is insecure. And she likes me, (I know this because she has told me!) and I like her quite quite a lot. BUT here's the problem guys and girls. She seems too unsure of herself, and everyone else, like the world has been nothing but cruel to her, and she can't seem to take anything that I say at face value. If i told her I loved her right now she would laugh it off and say that I was lying. BUT I WOULD NOT BE LYING. Why would i lie about something like that?! Gosh. Anyway that makes me sad, because I can see a future with this girl, which is odd because no girl has ever really made me feel like I could actually be with them (like really really for real) before. CRAZY RIGHT?! Yeah maybe, but it's nice to think about sometimes. It's nice to think that you are very nearly with someone. Maybe that's better than actually being with someone. I don't really know. I guess make the most of now is the message, because who knows what's gonna happen tomorrow. I think I might text her. For god sake, do something.

It takes one to know one. Joseph's blog was interesting. I tell a lie, it was fascinating. He writes so beautifully, so poetically. I am in love with Joseph even though he is out of love with all of this. I am sorry my friend that your soul is not long for this world. Alas; I hardly knew thee. Anyway that is my blog fan-boy mode over for today. And not a moment too soon I do believe. I SHOULD SHOWER. My clothes are worryingly un-dry. I hope the sun is out tomorrow. But if it's not I shall try not to be too disheartened. Whatever the opposite of fuck my life is. That.

I'm done. x

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